


Anchor Me

by IsaiahVirus



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Drug Abuse, Italian Mafia, M/M, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Substance Abuse, Tattoos, at least the way its mapped rn hes not in it much, john wick vibes have sorta creeped in, my omc is peters bf at school. he doesnt last long, relfection, well it looks like this is going in the direction of a mob story lol woops, yeah ive got another fic im working on but this wouldnt leave me alone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-05-01 13:21:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14521455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsaiahVirus/pseuds/IsaiahVirus
Summary: Peter Parker craves an anchor. And he finds one in the form of tattoos.Eventually a Peter/Tony fic because I am terrible





	1. The First One

Peter Parker had just turned 21. There had been a small party at the Tower with some of the Avengers and Ned and MJ. And on his back was a spiderweb of names. 

It had started the second he’d turned 18. If he really wanted, he could have started earlier but he didn’t want to lie about his age with the tattooist he’d have to put a lot of trust in, it’s just bad form. But after many hours of searching online, he thought he had found an artist to one day, begin the living document of Spiderman’s adventure. 

Peter knew what he wanted almost immediately. He had been dissociating in class one day when he realized he really wasn’t keeping a very good record of his adventures. Sure Karen would always know but where was the personal touch in that? 

He wasn’t the best artist but he was an engineer and had the technical knowhow but not the finesse. He began to draw a web. It wasn’t too intricate, this was supposed to be a tattoo after all. Once he finished the web, he began to write names over it. Starting in the center with the Vulture curling around and new silk threads spanning off. Thanos occupied a large radial thread that he planned to crawl down his spine. Names began to fill his head as dates flashed across his subconscious. It’d drape down his back centered on his T5 vertebra. 

The bell rang. He pushed the drawing in his notebook and moved on with his day,

But the idea never really left him.

He’d come back to it often enough, adding a new name when such an event arose. And then he turned 18. He suddenly had all the freedom to go out and start this tattoo. But he stalled. He waited and deliberated for three months before deciding he had to at least try it. He wasn’t even sure if his body would not metabolise the ink and destroy it as a foreign entity. When he had tried to get his ear pierced on a dare from MJ he had woken up in excruciating pain as his body rejected the earring. 

He decided a test run would be necessary. Something small enough that if it didn’t work out, wouldn’t hurt him or cost too much. But what to get? He thought a spider was too cliche, even for him. Maybe the Avengers symbol? But not somewhere dorky, like over his heart. He had more tact than that. He felt like his wrist would be too easy to see and the other Avengers would give him endless shit about it if they saw it. Maybe it could be the anchor point of the web? So, put it on his shoulder? That could work. 

He found the artist’s number he had been looking at and made an appointment for a consultation. A smaller shop on St. Marks place called Addiction. The East Village wasn’t Queens and he really hoped the distance would keep anyone he knew from seeing him. 

He chose a Friday afternoon. He could say he was going out with Ned to May and be left alone for a while. So, after school on Friday, he told Ned he was going home and headed to a subway stop that would take him to Manhattan, the Seven to the Four. The half hour on the train went by slowly as Peter went through the pros and cons of this a million times. He really hoped his body wouldn’t reject the ink. If it did reject, he’d have a fun homework project of trying to figure out why and a workaround to it. 

He got off the Four and walked the block to number 18. Last chance to turn back. But Peter knew this was something he needed. He stepped down and opened the door. He asked the man at the counter for Kevin. 

“Ah, Peter, right? Come with me, Kevin is in the back.” The man stuck his hand out, “Jason, nice to meet you.”

Peter shook Jason’s hand. “Peter, obviously. Nice to meet you too.” He followed Jason back past a couch and a display case to a counter with a computer on it. Sitting behind the counter, being the only other person in the shop, had to be Kevin. 

Kevin looked up from his work and smiled. “You must be Peter. I’m Kevin. You scheduled a consultation for a tattoo, yes?”

Peter sat down on the chair on his side of the counter at Jason’s prompt. “Yeah, I just, I feel it’s something I need. Like an anchor almost.” Even though Kevin wouldn’t be able to get the joke, Peter still thought it was hilarious. 

“Well, what’d you have in mind?”

“Something small on my shoulder. I know it’s a little dorky, but I was thinking the Avengers symbol.”

“Nothing is dorky if it means a lot to you.” Kevin pulled out a keyboard and pulled up some images on screen of the Avenger’s A. “Something like this right?”

“Yeah. Maybe about four inches in diameter, on my left shoulder?”

“That is one hundred percent doable. Which style do you like?” Kevin gestured to the images on screen. 

Peter wasn’t picky. He wanted strong black lines with sharp edges. He told Kevin such. 

“This isn’t going to take long at all. Probably looking at about an hour of work, once all is said and done. You just want standard black ink right?”

“Yes. How much is it going to be?”

“Hundred-fifty bucks, plus tax so maybe 170.” That’s about what Peter had expected and been prepared to pay. He of course would tip another 30 on top of that. 

“Sounds good to me.”

“Do you want to do get started now? I don’t have anything scheduled for a while. Or if you can’t today, we can take a look at my schedule.”

Peter had the notion that if he didn’t do it today, he’d lose his nerve. “Now works for me as long as we have time.”

“I don’t have any clients until about 11. Plenty of time for your Avengers symbol. If you stay there I’ll bring out the consent forms.” Kevin got up to open a folder in a drawer behind him. He handed the paper back to Peter along with a pen. “When you’re done filling that out, take it up to Jason and he’ll take care of payment. If you have any questions, now is the time to ask them.”

“I don’t really have any. I did a lot of research online before coming here.”

Kevin smiled, “My favorite kind of client. I’m going to start getting ready. Once you and Jason are finished, come back here, my chair is the one in the back.” Kevin pointed to a tattoo table behind what Peter assumed to be a piercers chair. He nodded to Kevin and started to read the consent forms. He saw Kevin download an Avengers symbol, size it, and turn it into a template. 

He initialled every statement and signed and dated it at the bottom. When he was finished, he got up and took the form back to Jason at the counter. They sorted out his ID and payment and before he could really process it, he was sitting on Kevin’s table taking his shirt off. He had no hair that needed to be shaved from his shoulder so Kevin went to sterilize the area on his left shoulder and began to transfer the image. 

“Is this your first tattoo?”

“Yeah, I turned 18 not too long ago and I’ve been thinking about this for a while.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, why are the Avengers so important they need a tribute on your skin?” Kevin peeled off the transfer and set to inking the piece. It hurt, but then again, getting blasted through walls hurts more. This was like a one on the Peter Parker pain scale.

Peter had foreseen this conversation coming and had an answer at the ready, “They saved my life. More than once. When I was a kid I was at the Stark Expo where the suits went crazy so many years ago. One of the suits was about to kill me when Iron Man stopped it. Iron Man saved my life that day.”

“Was that really so long ago? Damn.” They lapsed into silence after that. Peter reflecting on how Tony Stark had saved his life more than just that one time. Yeah, Tony had dragged him into the Civil War drama but that had basically saved him from hurting himself without the suit. He had saved him numerous times since then. Yeah, Peter was sometimes a little shit, doing the opposite of what was explicitly asked of him. He still feels a little bad about clinging on to the spaceship and what happened with Thanos. But really, Tony was the closest thing Peter had to someone who understands him. Cursed with the same knowledge of what’s out there, the same genius. The same scars from different weapons. Peter had half a mind to get an Iron Man tattoo but that was a little too much, even for him.

“Is this really your first tattoo? Because you are handling this like a pro.”

Peter laughed, “Yeah. This is my first.” 

Kevin made a noise and mumbled about how why can’t all new clients be this great. 

The session passed mostly in silence outside of the buzzing needle. Peter felt his phone vibrate and pulled it out of his pocket when Kevin went to wipe the tattoo. Oddly enough, it was from Tony. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Apparently there was a team dinner in about an hour he was invited to. 

Peter could always go for food. He sent back a text saying he’d be there. He sent messages to Aunt May and Ned telling them where he was going so the story would be straight. Since he had his phone out, he dinked around on it until the buzzing stopped and Kevin sat back. 

Kevin handed him a mirror and directed him to the hanging wall mirror. “It’s perfect. Thank you so much. I love it.” The ink was shiny in that way new tattoos are. Strong black lines now marred his perfectly pale shoulder and Peter knew it had been the right choice. Scars didn’t stick and neither did piercings. He needed something to anchor him to the past. 

Kevin had Peter sit back down and began to go through aftercare instructions. He gave him a sheet with the information on there again and a bottle of tattoo cream. Peter doubted he’d need it all so long as his accelerated healing didn’t completely eat the tattoo. Nevertheless, he let Kevin apply cream and bandage it up.

He tipped Kevin and with a promise to follow him on instagram and to come back if anything weird happened, Peter was on his way to catch a train back up town. 

 


	2. Dinner with the Avengers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short one to set up some of the starker tension lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> made some minor edits to the first chapter  
> come hang on tumblr @potentialproblem01

Peter made good time back up town, despite it being rush hour. Being small certainly has advantages. He got to the Tower a little after Tony had said dinner would be served, but time and the Avengers weren’t particularly good friends, so it didn’t really matter. 

He got up to the communal floor and went to plug his phone in and throw his bag down somewhere. He went back to the living room and dining area and went right for the food. He was hungry. He had school all day then got stung by a needle for an hour. He was ready to eat a ton. Most of the group was there: Tony, Steve, Nat, Bruce, Thor, Rhodey, Sam. 

Peter grabbed a plate and went to sit on the couch that he always sat on; left hand side so he wouldn’t mush his tattoo against the armrests when he kicked his feet up across the rest of the cushions. Nat sat on the other side and gave him a look that he couldn’t decipher, but no one could ever tell what she was thinking. 

Someone put on a movie and the night digressed into raucous movie watching. Some cheesy movie from the late 70s. 

Peter had never felt so at home. 

The sting on his shoulder anchored him to the moment, now and forever. He hoped drama like Civil War would never split the group up again. This was the one place he felt alive.

He started to get ready to raid the kitchen one last time before heading home when Nat pinned him with the look again and he really didn’t want to stick around to figure that shit out so he went straight to his bag. 

When he got up, Tony followed him. When he finally left the living room he spoke up because it didn’t seem like Tony was about to. “Hey, Mr. Stark.”

“Hope you had fun tonight.” The quirk of his eyebrow gave it away that he wasn’t only talking about dinner and the movie night. 

Peter waited a breath to see if Tony would elaborate. He didn’t. “Yeah, thanks for dinner. It’s always fun to hang out with you all.” Peter slung his bag over his shoulder and turned around to look at Tony. Tony had the look he had when he was looking at a particularly difficult puzzle that he didn’t have time to immediately solve. “I’m gonna head out. Thanks again.” Peter shifted and the book in his bag rubbed against the ink. He winced slightly and had no doubt Tony noticed so he made a swift exit. He deeked past Tony and made his way to the elevator after shouting goodbye to the living room at large. The elevator doors closed on a chorus of byes and see-you-laters. He was ready to be alone. 

Peter tried not to think too much about the way Tony had looked at him on the way to the ground floor and the elevator ride ended way before he had started figuring anything out. So he shelved it and went home. 


	3. Cigarettes on the Roof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some poorly written angst for yall  
> tumblr @potentialproblem01

About a week later Peter pulled out the drawing of the name of webs. His tattoo had healed completely, as far as he could tell, in three days. He compared it to photos online and they seemed to indicate it was done. He hadn’t lost any color, bless-up. The Avengers symbol still bold and black. He figured it was about time to call Kevin back up and schedule another visit. He had basically decided Kevin was it as far as artists went. He would place complete trust in him if need be. There would be no way to hide the completely healed tattoo from him went they went in to start on the names. 

An hour later he had another visit scheduled in two weeks time to talk about a ‘larger piece.’ Peter was excited. 

Life had been hard. He was nearing the end of his senior year of high school and he had been accepted to every school he’d applied to. But he didn’t really want to go at all. A common enough problem among teenagers. It was a lot of money, not that he hadn’t been offered scholarships, and a lot of time for something he just wasn’t sure he needed. He also didn’t want to leave New York. May was pushing him to go to MIT, as was Tony, but truthfully, he didn’t want to go there. He didn’t want to have to go to school for another four years and then another three and then probably more. He wanted to stay put in New York and  _ be. _

A part of him wanted to give the whole thing the finger and get a liberal arts degree. But he knew that he would need the technical know how to keep up with Tony and that really was a big motivator. He’d idolized the man since he was a child and wanted to live up to his expectations, so long as they didn’t involve MIT. He would be more than happy at Columbia. And it didn’t really matter where he got his undergrad from anyway. But he still didn’t want to go. 

He laid on his bed in a depressed funk for what felt like an hour, but time always moved slower when depressed. It was probably closer to twenty minutes. He beat the lethargy back with a stick and pulled out some homework. With the end of the year coming up, he had about eight projects due. The biggest one was a complex robot he and Ned were building. It was pretty much done, just needing a write up. But the one he was having the most trouble with was his English final. He did not have the creative finesse for what the teacher was asking. He had to create something to share with the class like a poem or a short story. Part of him wanted to write something about Spiderman but he was already loser enough at school so he didn't. 

He had a word document open and everything but nothing was coming to him. He looked up some prompts online but they all revolved around feelings and Peter tried to stay far away from those. But really, what else could he talk about? He didn’t have a lot of friends and he couldn’t talk about Spiderman. That really only left feelings, didn’t it. 

Peter sighed and gave in. He would write about his feelings. The fuck was he even supposed to say? That sometimes, more often than not, he wished he was dead? That life was pretty much pointless and the only thing anchoring him was being able to help people? And that Spiderman literally saved his life? His English teacher would probably say those were all worthy topics but he needed one that wouldn’t get him sent to the counselors office. 

 

He started to write: 

_ Nine days out of ten, _

_ It would be easier if I didn’t wake up. _

_ Not that I want to sleep either, _

_ Nightmares are too prevalent. _

_ But I’d really like to become nothing. _

 

He would not be able to turn that in. He’d have to process and sugarcoat all of it because he really didn’t need any more attention than he already got from May. He didn’t know how to talk about feelings and it was obvious. Whenever asked, he was always fine. May had tried to get him to talk about his experiences but he had always shut her down. He didn’t want to burden her with his bullshit. He’d deal, just like he always did. 

Peter flopped back on his bed. He wasn’t going to get anything done. He put his shoes on and pulled a hoodie off the floor. He was heading out. Not far, only to the bodega where Ahmed didn’t care that he wasn’t 21 to buy cigarettes. He grabbed the lighter from his desk and his wallet from the pants he was wearing yesterday and left. May wasn’t home to say goodbye to.

Ahmed was definitely up there with the coolest people Peter knows. That list is obviously topped by  _ Tony freaking Stark  _ and Aunt May but Ahmed was definitely top ten. His bodega was pretty much always open and he was almost always there. Peter had only seen the counter occupied by Ahmed’s son like three times. And he was there now. “The usual Newport’s, Ahmed.” 

“Hey Peter. Tough day?” Peter handed Ahmed the thirteen he charged. Why are cigarettes so damn expensive?

“Isn’t everyday tough?” Peter took the pack from Ahmed and they shared a moment of suffering. “Have a nice day, man.”

“You too, Peter. See you around.” Peter left and headed headed back home. He swung up to the roof when he thought no one was looking. He perched on the ledge and pulled out his lighter. He popped a cigarette from the pack and lit it. Chain smoking wasn’t usually his prerogative but he was in a mood. 

After about three cigarettes and an almost fight between the neighborhood kids, a Maserati stopped in front of his building. Peter had the sinking suspicion he knew who it was because really who else could it be. And his suspicions were confirmed when the soft purr of the engine cut and Tony Stark got out. 

Peter let out a large plume of smoke and moved to put the light out before going back inside but Tony looked up as he put a pair of sunglasses on. Peter gave a bastardization of a two finger salute with a lit cigarette between his fingers before moving to stub it out on the edge. Peter couldn’t tell what Tony was thinking behind the sunglasses but something akin to disappointment burnt the air. Peter shrugged and flipped down to his window sill and went in. Tony would be up in a minute. Peter moved reflexively to stash his cigarettes but thought better of it. May was out and Tony had already seen. It would be of no use. He let out a bigger sigh and closed the window. He stood in the center of the small living room until there was a knock on the door. He sent a silent prayer skyward and hoped for the best as he went to open the door. 

Tony Stark nailed him with a hard look that had Peter smiling awkwardly. “Should my body ever let me develop cancer, I’ll let you know. Come in,” he made a vague gesture in. Tony entered the small apartment.

“I was going to ask you about what you planned to do for school. You know I have pull at MIT.”

Peter gave some semblance of a nod. He pushed a hand through his hair, it was getting long. “I honestly don’t even know what I want to do. Part of me doesn’t even want to go, it’s just another piece of paper these days. It holds no sway anymore. I’d need at least a masters. And I don’t know how much more school I can take.” Peter turned away from where Tony stood, barely inside the threshold, to stare out the window. 

Tony’s face softened. “I remember feeling like that too, the billion years ago I went to school. University is honestly one of the best and worst things to ever have happened to me. But I will tell you this, it does get better.”

“Really? Because it doesn’t look like my generation is going anywhere.” Peter moved to shuck his hoodie off over his head but thought better of it, for something was telling him to not reveal the tattoo yet. 

“Kid...How are you doing? Seriously.”

“I’m fine.” 

“That’s such a lie but not really what I’m here about.” Peter was feeling oddly self-conscious. Tony waved him over to sit on the couch with him. “Back to college, when you commit, let me know. I’m paying for it.” Peter started to protest but got cut off. “No. I am. I have more money than I know what to do with and it’s the least I can do. You can tell your aunt it’s all scholarship money if it’ll make you feel better. But I am. End of story.”

Peter was tired enough to not want to put up the symbolic fight. Tony could tell him up front or go behind his back and do it. He had that kind of power. “Alright.”

“Now that that’s settled. The other reason I’m here is that the grace period before you have to choose where you stand on the Accords is coming to an end. You have to sign and be revealed or refuse to sign and never be an official acting power for America. You would be able to keep being the friendly neighborhood Spiderman but not work with us until you did sign. I know this is a heavy decision, especially for you who’s been able to keep a lid on your identity.” 

“For as much as I knew this was coming, I haven’t put a lot of thought into it.” 

“You have until June first to decide. I know that’s coming fast but I do have a pretty good grasp of the Accords. If you have questions, you should start asking them.” 

Peter continued to deflate. “I’ll make a list of questions but I’ll probably sign. Eventually, at least, after school. What’s the point if I can’t help people?” 

Tony stood up. “That’s what I came here to say. If you’re good, I have places to be.”

Peter gave a wry smile. “I’m always good. See you later.” Peter got up to walk Tony to the door.

“See you around, kid.” Tony gave him another weird look like the one from a few weeks back but Peter wasn’t in the mood to analyze. 

“Bye.” He closed the door. He needed another cigarette. He didn’t move until he heard the quiet prowl of the Maserati glide away. He picked the pack of cigarettes up and went back to the roof. Looks like he had even more to think about. 

He finished the pack. He was no closer to any action, but he would go to college. He wouldn’t sign the Accords yet. He wanted some shade of a normal life. He hoped Tony would understand. He flicked the last butt over the edge down to the sidewalk and went back inside. He just wanted to go to sleep but he knew he had to go on patrol later. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> come hang on tumblr @potentialproblem01


End file.
